The Normal Life of Saiki K
by blackxcoffeexlover
Summary: Having lost his psychic powers, Saiki Kusuo has to learn how to live a normal life like everyone else around him. Not that he minds it much, it is exactly the sort of average, boring life which he had always dreamed of. Except it is anything but what he expected it to be.
1. The Perfect Boring Life (Prologue)

_You. Yes, you._

 _You must think this is a very boring title for a story. But I assure you, it is the story of the life I have always dreamed of._

 _Until a week ago, I was a psychic. Thanks to an invention by someone I would rather forget, my abilities were shut off for good. Or so I thought._

 _It turns out that my abilities are still there, however, they appear to be lying dormant in my subconscious like a bear in hibernation. Unfortunately, they still do manifest on occasion, but such an inconvenience is still infinitely more tolerable than the life I had led before. Now, I can finally live the boring, average life I had always dreamed of. No distractions, no annoyin-_

"Pal, who are you talking to?"

 _Good grief, I still can't get a monologue in without being interrupted._

 _You see, I would have done this introduction through telepathy, except I no longer have that ability. Now I actually have to talk. What a pain._

 _That was an acquaintance of mine, Nendou Riki. That guy with the weird chin who is now pressed against my bedroom window and breathing heavily. Yes, I am currently sitting at my desk in my bedroom because I had thought I could do this monologue in peace here. And yes, my bedroom is indeed on the second floor, but I have grown used to receiving unexpected visitors._

"Pal, let's get some ramen! Chibi is here too!"

 _His face is now squashed against the glass and looks even more disturbing than usual. Good grief, he is going to break my window if he presses any harder. I suppose I should go along to placate him for the day._

 _The "Chibi" whom he referred to is Kaidou Shun, another acquaintance of mine. Both of them were in my class the previous year. Now, in my third and last year at high school, I thought I would have finally got the respite I'd always dreamed of but God is not so kind. Not like anything would stop them from somehow finding me all the time though._

 _Good grief, what did I do to have to deal with such clingy acquaintances? Heh, I guess I don't have a choice but to just go along with it all._


	2. Plans for the Future (Part I)

"Hey, Saiki, have you thought of what to tell Matsuzaki?"

 _Ah, yes. That would have almost slipped my mind had Kaidou not raised it up. I suppose I should also inform you that we are currently on our way to ramen on a weekend since I can't telepathically project that image to you readers anymore, unlike in the manga or anime when I still had my abilities._

 _As you would have expected of any normal everyday third-year high school student, the time has come for us to think about our future. Thus, our homeroom and gym teacher, Matsuzaki-sensei, has specially arranged for individual consultations with each student starting from next week so as to discuss college applications and future career plans. This is of much help to the average student, for the final year of high school is a stressful, confusing one which would determine the path he will follow for the rest of his life._

 _Not for me. I had my whole life planned out before elementary school started. Why? Because your life is set as soon as you start formal education._

 _Think of the cliché school children you would encounter in anime._

 _There is the good-for-nothing elementary school bully who, soon after starting junior high, comes to the sudden realisation that he would ultimately end up being human trash for he has no skills or knowledge of worth to contribute to society. Thus he gives up all hope on living a useful and fulfilling life and continues his wayward ways until high school, perhaps dyeing his hair with blond highlights along the way and joining a local motorcycle gang. However, his life is changed when he meets his high school homeroom teacher, Sato-sensei, who never gives up on him, despite whatever physical or emotional resistance he throws at Sato-sensei. Slowly, Sato-sensei helps him to realise that no one is beyond redemption and thus, through hard work and determination, this former good-for-nothing student transforms into a whole new person, graduating as valedictorian and continuing his tertiary education at the prestigious Tokyo Universi-_

 _Wait. That cliché plotline just defeated the whole point of this section._

 _Good grief. Anyway, why waste all that time on character development when you can simply start young._

 _For instance, I had begun the pursuit of my dream to live a completely average life since elementary school. Those of you who have watched both seasons of the anime would know that I have since honed my skills at being perfectly average. This was the result of many years of training. From social interaction to physical activities to exams results, I have put in much hard work over the years into attaining my dream of boring normality, although I have unintentionally slipped up on occasion due to no fault of my own. Like the time when there was a last minute administrative error in the tabulation of results which had resulted in my position in the school to be one place above the average, an error which was swiftly corrected by me having been warned by my precognition, but the thought of it was an annoying stain on my record nonetheless._

 _Hmm? My plans after graduation, you ask?_

 _Of course, I will-_

"Hey, Saiki?"

 _Interrupted by Kaidou just as I was about to elaborate. Good grief, how cliché._

 _I just shook my head. Trying to explain my well-thought out plans to Kaidou would be a useless endeavour, not to mention unusual._

"Man… I thought you would have something for me to copy."

 _This is not something you should be copying!_

"Hey, Nendou. What are you thinking of doing?"

 _Good, he's given up on asking me. But I'm curious, does Nendou even have plans? Wait, does he even know what graduation is?_

 _Hmm, he did seem to be deep in thought. Maybe he does have an idea for once?_

"Hah…? What are you talking about? We're going to ramen now, idiot Chibi! Hahaha!"

 _… Good grief._


	3. Plans for the Future (Part II)

"Three bowls here, please!"

 _Nendou ordered the usual for the three of us. Usually Kuboyasu would join us, but he told Kaidou that he "had some important business to settle" while holding a bat with holes that had been patched up recently. Even without my abilities, I can guess he won't be joining us anytime soon. Good grief._

"Eh! Ka- Ka- Ka- Kaidou-kun!"

 _I recognise that stuttering anywhere. That was Yumehara Chiyo, a girl with an objectively unfortunate taste in choosing guys. She had jumped out of her seat at the table next to ours, where she was with-_

"Ah, Sai- everyone! What a surprise! We didn't expect to bump into you guys here!"

 _Teruhashi Kokomi. Having overheard her incessant inner ramblings again and again for the past year, I'm confident that she is thinking something along the lines of:_

" _Oh my gosh it's Saiki-kun! What do I do- I mean, how lucky for him! Getting the chance to see my perfect self on the first weekend of the new school year! Yes, that's it! Surprised, excited, overjoyed! That's how he must be feeling right now! He must be dying to go, "Oh!" at my presence! Yes, go ahead! "Oh!" at me!"_

 _There it is. A smirk, right on cue._

"Te- Teruhashi-san! What are you doing here?"

 _Kaidou, Yumehara is here too._

"That's because Mera-san invited-"

" _Oagari yo! [Dig in!]"_

 _A reference to a popular food anime interrupted Teruhashi-san. It was Chisato Mera, who seems to have found her latest part-time job on top of the other dozen she already has. The way she is drooling over the bowls of ramen is slightly concerning. Please stop._

"Ah, Mera-chan! Thank you!"

 _Yumehara quickly reached out to take both bowls before Mera could become a food safety hazard. I see. Mera invited Teruhashi and Yumehara here. Now that I think about it, what an odd trio of friends._

"Teruhashi-san, since we're all here let's join the tables together!"

 _Kaidou, Yumehara is still here. Even I am starting to feel sorry for her._

"Good idea, Chibi! I'll help move their table-"

 _Don't move the table with two full bowls of ramen!_

"But we shouldn't bother the owner-"

 _Teruhashi glanced sideways at me. Bad sign. Hold on._

"No! I mean, yes! Yes! Let's have a good time together!"

 _No! Kaidou, what have you done!_

 _It was too late. Nendou had already moved their table next to ours. The bowls of ramen were remarkably unharmed. Now I have to sit through this meal with Teruhashi fidgeting beside me and our bowls aren't even here yet. Good grief, what a pain._

"Teruhashi-san, what are you planning to do after graduation?"

 _Kaidou, Yumehara looks like she's slowly dying on the inside._

"I'm planning on applying to my dream college in Tokyo but I'm open to other opportunities. So, what about Sai- I mean, what about all of you?"

 _A perfect, textbook response from Teruhashi, as expected._

"Same here! I'm planning on applying to a college in Tokyo!"

 _Oi oi, what about the Dark Reunion?_

"I am going to find a job to support my mother."

 _An actually sensible response from Nendou?!_

 _Good grief, they've all turned towards me. I can't ignore the question._

 _I shrugged._

"Eh? You must have something planned right, Saiki-kun?"

 _Teruhashi is staring at me and being as persistent as always. Good grief, what a pain-_

" _Oagari yo! [Dig in!]"_

 _Saved by anime references! Mera had arrived at our table with three bowls of ramen, wearing an apron around her waist and a long, white headband around her forehead. Please stop before we get a copyright strike._

 _With everyone distracted by ramen, the topic was soon forgotten. After more idle chit-chat and slurping of noodles, we went our separate ways._

 _Hmm… Plans, huh? Without my abilities, I guess I am finally living my dream life of being a normal high school student. Good grief… Now, what should I work towards next?_

 _…_

 _Wait, aren't we forgetting someone?_

* * *

A/N: Yumehara wants to live a good, peaceful life as Kaidou's wife. Mera dreams of earning enough money to be able to eat whatever and whenever she wants. Hard to say which is more likely.


	4. Plans for the Future (Part III)

_Good grief, although only been two chapters since this arc began, it's already the day of my career guidance consultation with Matsuzaki-sensei. I have given much thought to what I will be saying, and by that I mean for the five minutes before this chapter started. I am currently seated outside the staffroom with two annoying people while waiting for my turn._

"Oi, pervert. Stop lying on the ground."

 _That was Aiura Mikoto, one of the two remaining 'psychics' at PK Academy. A transfer student with an uncanny talent for fortune telling, she was one of the only few who knew of my powers other than my family. Not that it matters now._

 _The other 'psychic'? That's the pervert lying on his back in front of us._

"Eheheh… That was a classic white pair…"

 _I don't know who he is._

"Saiki! How cruel!"

 _I still don't know him._

"I'm Toritsuka Reita! I'm the medium with the amazing ability to see spirits. Saiki is just speechless at my new, ingenious sightseeing method. It's not illegal to lie down in the corridor! Just so happens that girls' skirts are so conveniently short eheheh…"

 _Don't take over my introductions! And that is definitely illegal!_

 _Good grief. Just my luck to be in the same class as this pervert for my final year. What a pain._

"Hey, pervert. D'you even know what you're gonna say? Doubt there's much goin' on in that head of yours..."

 _Aiura clicked her tongue at the pervert now standing indignantly in front of us. If we stop acknowledging it maybe it'll disappear._

"Tch! Why are both of you always so mean to me? Of course, I have it all figured out!"

 _No you haven't._

"I'm going to be a swimsuit model photographer! I've got years of experience looking at-"

 _No._

 _Actually, why would a fortune teller be concerned about planning for the future?_

"Ha! You're curious aren't ya, Saiki?"

 _Don't try to read my thoughts._

"As a fortune teller, clearly I have the advantage in seeing which path in life is the best. But paths open and close! So obviously I still have to plan my steps for the long term."

 _She's nodding her head thoughtfully at the self-help book she's holding. Where did she get those glasses?_

 _Good grief. Neither of them has a clue._

"Thank you, Matsuzaki-sensei!"

 _A loud, spirited voice came from the staffroom. That must have been Hairo Kineshi. For those of you who don't already know, he was our class representative last year. Ah, here he is._

"Oh! Saiki, Matsuzaki-sensei asked me to call you in. See you later at practice!"

 _What practice? Good grief, same as always._

 _Time for me to head in._

…

 _Finally, that's over._

 _Hmm? Did you expect to hear what was discussed?_

 _Good grief, that can't do. We need to save some material for the ending, don't we?_

* * *

A/N: Saiki wants to live a peaceful, comfortable life full of coffee jelly. That was what was discussed. Probably.


	5. The Posh and the Poor

_Good grief, is it finally time for lunch? It feels like it's been ages. Time to make a quick escape to the cafeteria before anyone-_

"Saiki-san! Good to see you, I calculated the probability that you would be sneaking out of your classroom the moment the bell rang and here you are, I hope I am not interrupting anything because I was thinking we should go to lunch together seeing that I am no longer in the same class as you for our final year, what a pity I had hoped we would be in the same class as a mark of the start of a new year for our continuing friendship-"

 _That's Akechi Touma, a former classmate of mine who had known me from Kindergarten due to a certain troublesome incident which was only resolved in the last few episodes of the anime. He is currently still talking in the background while walking behind me but I shall spare you and the author of any more of his ramblings by making my way to the cafeteria._

 _Good grief. Fortunately my telepathic powers have gone, otherwise I would have had much worse of a headache than I already do from seeing his face. What a pain._

 _Hmm? The cafeteria is suspiciously empty. This can't be good-_

"You! Come over here and make yourself useful, my chef is on leave today and I need a cup of tea right now to go with this disgustingly dry peasant food."

 _Ah, but of course. Saiko Metori has taken over the majority of the cafeteria with an absurdly large marble dinner table, a chandelier and an army of servants as usual. I see Mera has managed to sneak her way in as a maid again._

 _But who is he pointing to- Oh._

"Saiko-san! How are you doing? I would love to help you out and get you some tea to save you from your rich boy privileges but I'm currently with my good friend Saiki-san and it would be so rude of me to leave him to have lunch alone-"

 _Please leave._

'-so I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for not being able to spare my time to indulge in your egotistical ways of addressing your fellow schoolmates-"

 _Saiko looks confused on how to feel at what Akechi is saying due to the sheer speed at which he is speaking. I should leave them to it._

"Saiki, I never thought you as one to be so desperate for friends."

 _Saiko is looking at me with even more pity than usual. This is unprecedented and also slightly humiliating._

 _Good grief. I'll have to make a move before I draw more attention to myself than I need to. Time to leave-_

"Ah, pal! Here you are! Hahaha were you that hungry for lunch? You ran off so fast!"

 _Bye._

"Let's go for ramen after school- Eh? Where did he go?"

 _Good grief, I did not expect that sneaking away would be so much more difficult without my powers. I'll go buy some bread before lunch ends-_

 _"Ring~"_

 _… What a pain._

* * *

A/N: Saiki secretly wishes he had a personal chef too, just so that he can have coffee jelly whenever he wanted. The author just wants some ramen.


	6. Plans for the Club

_Finally, classes are over. The rest are on cleaning duty so there is no one to stop me from leaving straight for home. How wonderful._

 _…_

 _So far I have not passed by anyone in the corridor who has tried to stop me. This is too unusual considering the tone of this series. I should be careful turning this next corner just to be safe-_

"Saiki-kun, where do you think you're going?"

 _Good grief. I did not think that Yumehara of all people would try to find me after school. Give me a break._

"Arisu-chan and I have been waiting for you in the club room, it's the first club session of the year so don't you dare leave, Mr. Club President!"

 _She actually sounded slightly threatening. This is unexpected. I guess I've got no choice. She doesn't seem like she is willing to let me escape easily, seeing that she is already dragging me by my collar. My lack of powers seems to have greatly reduced my reflexes and physical strength to that of an average teenage male. What a pain._

 _…_

"Time for the inaugural club session of the Occult Club!"

 _You didn't have to shout. It's only the three of us here. Looks like Makino has cut her hair to look like Yumehara. What has she been doing to her? Also, why are we in a storage room?_

"Yumehara-sempai said that we don't have enough members so the school moved our club room."

 _I resign. Speaking of which, where is Kaidou?_

"Today's topic of discussion is: 'I-am-not-in-the-same-class-as-Kaidou-kun-anymore-so-what-do-I-do-now?'"

 _Yumehara said that in one breath. Good grief, I should leave before this gets troublesome-_

"So I have come up with the perfect plan. Saiki-"

 _Bye, the Dark Reunion is calling._

"Oh no, looks like the door is blocked. Guess you'll have to stay, Saiki-kun."

 _When did she stack those tables against the door?!_

"Y-Yumehara-senpai, I'll help as much as I can!"

"Thank you, Arisu-chan."

 _They're clasping their hands together in determination. I should try to escape now-_

"Huh? This door's locked but there are voices inside? I-Is it the work of the Dark Reunion?!"

 _Kaidou!_

"Ka- Kaidou-kun!"

 _Yumehara was at the door. Where did the tables go?_

"Oh! Yumehara-san, Saiki, why are the two of you here? And who is this?"

 _Come, Kaidou. The Dark Reunion beckons._

"W- We were just discussing how to get more club members this year-"

"Club? Isn't this a storage roo-"

"-but we've just finished the session!"

 _Yumehara was pushing Kaidou out of the door. Isn't he a club member too? Good grief. Fortunately I had already managed to sneak out into the corridor five lines ago. Now, time to head home-_

"Hey, pal!"

 _… What a pain._


	7. Papa's Got A Promotion(?)

_Good grief. Even though I have had the experience of not having the power of telepathy previously, I had forgotten how difficult it was to navigate through a world of Nendous. Fortunately, I have made it back to my house without being sidetracked. Now, I will finally get some rest-_

"Kuu-chan! Papa got a promotion today! … Are you okay, Kuu-chan?"

 _My mother ran up to me as soon as I opened the door. She looked confused at my shocked expression. I am not yet used to any sudden movements so I had thrown my bag aside and jumped back with my arms in front of me. Not that anything would have happened anyway, seeing as my powers are gone._

"Papa! Come tell Kuu-chan about your promotion~"

 _My father was behind her. He was wearing a suit with his hair slicked back and a pair of sunglasses. I am sure no promotion within his abilities would have required any of those._

"Fufufu… Kusuo-kun, your father is a changed man."

 _He hasn't changed. How unfortunate._

"Instead of only having to lick my boss' shoes every day, I have also been given the privilege of-"

"Papa, Ku-kun is on the TV!"

 _Good grief. I should just go to my room-_

"Kuu-chan, I bought some coffee jelly to celebrate Papa's promotion~"

 _Congratulations, father! Good job!_

 _..._

 _My brother's face was plastered over our TV screen in front of the table with the cups of coffee jelly. What a way to ruin the sacredness that is coffee jelly._

"Ku-kun, you should come over to visit more often. Papa just got a promotion today~"

"Sorry, I have just been so busy building a worthy adversary now that Kusuo's like the other boring monkeys on Earth."

 _I'll take this coffee jelly back to my room._

 _Wait, "building"? Now that I look past his unpalatable face, I do see some form of a robot in the background. With pink hair. And green glasses._

 _… Time to go to my room._

"Now now, Ku-kun… Papa and I aren't prepared to have another child anytime soon~"

 _My parents are looking at each other in a disgusting fashion. My brother didn't seem to care._

"Kusuo. You should come by my laboratory for a check-up sometime soon. I just want to have a look at your brain again, since I am so concerned about your well-being and not because I need more data to train my new little brother-"

 _I think I shall take another cup of coffee jelly._

 _Good grief. It would be troublesome if he had managed to build anything resembling me with my past powers. Although, even though it is my brother, it should be impossible to perfectly replicate-_

"GOOD… GRIEF… WHAT… A… PAIN."

"Ahahaha, Kusuo Number 816, I'll get you more coffee jelly later. Just go on power-saving mode for now-"

 _Goodbye._

 _I turned the TV off. That is enough for one chapter, don't you think?_

* * *

A/N: Papa is now also in charge of tying his boss' ties. The suit and sunglasses were only rented for this chapter.


End file.
